Ku-kiss-en-krim

Ichigo Kurosaki or Alex (I never asked his name though, I just read it in their comments) is one of the friends I met online, in Facebook. A friend whom I shared a few conversations with, I friends whom I shared some precious thoughts and experiences.

We're really not that close but losing a friend like him sure does hurts somewhere. I want to cry, yes, most especially when I read Ate Celine's wall post. I knew it, I was right then. Seeing those words from her made it a whole lot worse.

I experienced losing a friend or someone dear, but seeing/knowing that they died, not until now. I never knew that losing someone like these hurts. I mean when I knew that he died, I was shocked, but not this emotional. Reading those words, pulled the trigger. Tears starting to run down my cheeks.

Kuya Ichigo, may you rest in peace. Evilbuddy, I will, we will surely miss you. I know we really never talked casually, just some involvements in Master's or someone else's posts but those times I spent talking to you and them mattered a lot to me. You were one of those people whom made me smile during the times I was devastated. You were one of those random people whom I shared some experiences, that's when I discovered something in common. We were sadistic people. The bond that we had is far greater than any other random friend I have. Kuya Ichigo, definitely wherever you are right now, you'll be remembered, you'll be loved. Knowing a person like you is surely a gift, for that thank you. Thank you for everything though it's not much. I will surely miss those sadistahan times.

Ehmigash. >.< I suddenly remembered. I'm gonna sing tomorrow. :( I am NOT a good singer, I have an annoying voice. The very reason I am nervous. I don't want to sing in front of the class, even standing in front, I hate it. GAAAH. Wish me luck. :|

And now officially, Anne died again today. Michael and Von played the guitar earlier while Gideon played keyboard. OwO Demmit. Why are these people so gifted and talented while I don't have any single talent. Geezers. My mind's stuttering. LOL. >_____< I promise to do good. :P

Anne's envy part 2.

I'd die because of BJ's 90. -___- I mean he got a 90% score in our first plate. OwO I only got 89, but that's fair enough. OHOHO. I'm gonna do better next time! SWEAR. If I really am gonna pursue my BS Architecture then I have to do good. MWUAHAHAHA.

* btw, previous blog lacks further information. YES. service arrived too early a while ago. or rather, the service arrived when i was blogging. >.< GAAH.

HAHAHA. Redundancy. :)

I am so freakin' envious. Anne's envy. LOL. I was watching damn videos yesterday. Guitar covers for Halaga by Parokya ni Edgar, hoping that I could learn through them, sadly saying, I didn't. Though they were so amazing. I was like dumbfounded watching them. PSH. I was like 'Okay kayo na magaling.' Envy strikes me the first time. Next was Jono's piano cover for River Flows in You by Yiruma. -___- I wanna freakin' kill him yesterday. :| He made me like his videos. Rawr. Tempted, I watched in awe. Demmit. /wrist YUCK. HAHAHA. Srsly. >.< I died of envy last night and was revived because of jealousy hours after that. :))

Title trans: I'm afraid

I have to admit, I am afraid. Losing all the people close to me; people whom I love, people whom I care for and people whom I can be myself, I can't take it. Though as I've said that nothing in this world is permanent, the only thing constant is change. People change. This moment they think of you as a friend or someone special, the next time you check you act as if you don't know each other anymore.

The only fear that I can't face. Heartbreaking.

I speak based on experience. I have been hurt hundreds, no millions of times already. That's why I don't cling on to people that much anymore. A mechanism that I established yet trying to destroy.

My mind's at it's limit, I can't think straight again. :|

A poem I made out of random thoughts for two of my very important people in my life. ♥ I can't imagine what life I have right now if not for them. Less smiles, less laughs, less friends and less love ones perhaps? Idunno I just love this two people. :"> Yiee~ Kinikilig ako. HAHAHA. I CAN be sweet and other stuff if I wanted to be. :3

GAGONG GAGO NA KO. PAPATAY NA NAMAN AKO NG TAO NGAYON. :|

Yung feeling na first time ko umiyak after sangkaterbang years sa loob ng bahay namin dahil sa pangggago na naman sakin. Yung feeling na hindi na ako makatiis ng pinagsasasabi sakin dito to the point na umiyak na ako, nakasigaw na ako nanginginig na ako to the point na almost makakapatay na ako. Minsan lang akong ganto, sobrang minsan.

Kaya ayoko nandito nanay ko eh. Puro putak lang ng bunganga alam gawin. Ni minsan eh hindi man lang ako mapakinggan, lagi nalang akong may mali. Lahat nalang ng ginawa ko, palpak. Wala na akong nagawang tama. Lahat nalang. Ako hindi ako sumisigaw sa simula, kalmado lang ako. Pero siya ano, nakasigaw. Tapos pag ako sisigaw ako na naman mali? PUTANGINANGYAN. Siya lang pwede? Ano, nahihiya siya kasi may ibang tao sa labas? Kahihiyan lang naman paki niya eh. Di man lang niya naiisip na nasasaktan din yung tao sa ginagawa niya.

Hindi marunong makinig. Putak ng putak, hindi man lang alam yung nangyayari. Nag-uutos ba ako? Sabi ko nga AKO. Hindi ko namang sinabing NIYA eh. Kasi kung kailangan ko pupunta talaga ako. Sabat susumbatan pa ako? Kung ayaw nalang kasi gawin, sabihin nalang diretso nang hindi ako bigyan ng dahilan, na hindi pa ako pagmumukaing masama.

Alin ba sa BUSY ako yung hindi niya maintindihan. Alin ba sa part na nag-aayos ako para makaakyat siya sa stage ng pangalawang beses pag grumaduate ako. Tangina, wala pa nga siya sa graduation ko eh.

Umiiyak na naman ako. Nagpromise na ako sa sarili ko na hindi na ako iiyak e. :| Ayoko na, nakakasawa na. Kaso wala eh, sobrang masakit. Sobrang indirectly ka sabihan na gago ka't walang kwenta pero alam mong ganun yung sinasabi sayo. Pakshet. Putangina. Kagaguhan. Punyemas. Puchanggala. Lahat na ng mura. SHET.

"Yung feeling na alam kong may mali ako pero pinagpipilitang wala. Nakakamatay sa konsensya."

Suddenly, I am not in the mood for smiley/happy-posts. I hate it when people don't accept the fact that I'm wrong. Specially guys, is that ego-related stuff? Fck. Go fix yourself if that's the case then. I usually say sorry whenever I know I did something wrong. And most of the guys I know, they don't want me to do that. Like what the hell masamang umamin na may ginawa ako? Geez. I STILL HAVE CONSCIENCE YOU GUYS. You only think about those damned egos of yours why can't you think of me and my conscience for a change?

Never put envy and jealousy in on sentence. :| This is just.. depressing.

Damn HAPPEY. ♥ Super hindi mawala yung ngiti ko after nito. :"> Super duper bait nya. :3

Happy Sunday! June 19, Happy Father's Day. Daddy, Tay, Dad.

Yesterday.

I am so HAPPEY. :"> Picture and autographed poster - Alodia-hime and autographed ticket - Chinna and Ashley-sama. ♥ Kahit hindi ko nakita yung mga friends ko dun kasi nga hindi ako nag-ikot, nandun lang ako sa area sa DC Collections. Nakatayo ako dun for like what 2-3 hours. HAHAHA. Di man lang ako lumayo dun. :3 Pero super worth-it. :DD

A while ago.

Though hindi ako nakapunta sa Toycon or nakasama mag The Feast, masaya naman kahit papano. :) Nag punta kaming Laguna hinatid namin yung Tita ko. >.< HAHA. Pero naaliw ako sa sarili ko kanina, nagsimba ako ng maaga at nakadress ako. Take note DRESS. HAHAHA. Gross. :&&& Tapos dirediretso walang bihis hanggang makauwi. :P Eh nung nag Laguna kami diretso sa school na pinagtatrabahuhan ni Tito. Dun tambay, muntik ako makatulog kasi ang lamig sa opisina niya. LOL. Pero nakalahati ko Book 3 ng Ranger's Apprentice dun! :P So blahblah. Nung paalis na kami, naiinis ako lumbas. :| Nakakailang. LOL. Daming duderloo dun sa may gate. :| -.- Pero kailangan, lumabas talaga ako. After nun diretso Paseo kami! Big 30 Pizza and Pasta kumain kami. Angas lang eh. 30 inches pizza. *drools.* Tapos nakapagfeeling photographer na naman ako kasi hawak ko yung DSLR ni tita. \m/ Hanggang sa pagtapos ko gumawa ng schoolworks ko eh masaya ako. :)

As of after ko mag schoolworks stuff nag open ako ng PC at CP.

Naiinis ako. May kupal na akala mo kung sino na nakkicomment. CLOSE TAYO. Tangina dre. Fuck off and mind your own business. Tss. Ok. :| Tapos sa CP naman, kaselos. HAHAHA. Yung point na minsan kakaiba yung turing ng tao sayo sabay sa iba naman hindi siya ganun. ASUS. Umeechos na naman akows. ~.~ Heniway, totoo naman kasi. To think na nagaantay kaya yung tao na magreply BV. Isang oras sabay gaguhan mode lang na naman. BV BV. STFU. Gaah. Galit ako, sobra. :|

Habang nanunuod ng Gandang Gabi Vice

GV GV. :"> Saya saya talaga ng GGV. Lagi akong napapatawa ng wagas. HAHAHA. Mercury. Nakakasigurong gamot ay laging bago. Like wtf? HAHAHA. Sobrang LOL kami ni Lola dito. Ampf. :))

And I am so desperado for load right now. :| Idfky. :(( NEEEED. :| Blahblah~

So far, everything's good. :) Ok naman ako sa classmates ko and sa teachers. :3 I am pretty much looking forward to be friends with everybody in the class though it seems impossible. We have issues. Nah~ ;) And I am looking forward to more Physics and Trigo lessons~ Exciting. :)

Anyway, more blogs next time. :* ♥

Lawlkidds. :DD Hyped na hyped ako ngaun, idfkw. :)) Naah, di ako excited. Kung pwede nga lang mag ragna nalang ako buong araw eh. XD Speaking of, mwuahahaha. Naka-isang level akong taas kanina! :DD Yehey~ ;] Ok ako na masaya. :3 Naaaliw ako, wala pa yung service. :) HAHAHA. Brilliant brilliant, mas matagal pa ako makakapag computer. :3 LOL. I decided to open my blog again. :) >:D Trip ko lang. Bahala na yang anger/hate driven posts na yan. Wala naman kayong paki diba? :) Di niyo naman ako kilala diba? Epal lang naman kayo diba? Syempre joke yang nasa huli. :D Owsh. :3 MWUAHAHAHAHAHA. Umaambon pa ata. Sosyal. :"> ♥ Rain rain go away, come again another day gagala pa ako mamaya, rain rain go away~ HAHAHA. Ok ang weird. XD Ingat pala sa mga papasok din ngayon. Offline na ako kasi magdadasal pa ko. :) Matta ne~ Iloveyousomuchgays~ :D :P

*tagalog post.

May nangungulit sakin sa ragna kanina, tanong ng tanong. Buti di ko tinarayan kundi pulube ako ngayon. Buti rin natatanga ako magbasa kundi pulube pa rin ako. :)

Yiee~ Ang saya-saya. Asenso ako from 5k to 1M. >:D HAHAHA. Saya-saya ko lang eh. :3 <3

Alam mo yung feeling na lagi kang umaasa sa wala?
Ung lagi ka na lang naghihintay na sana isang araw, maawa na siya sayo?
Ung lagi ka na lang nasasaktan, pero binabalewala mo lang kasi natatakot ka na baka magaway lang kayo?
Ung feeling na gusto mo ng bumitaw pero hindi mo kaya dahil ayaw mo na mawala siya?
Ung feeling na nilunok mo na ang pride mo, pero balewala lang para sakanya?

ung feeling na gustong-gusto mo na umiyak, pero turned out
Wala pala siyang pake sa nararamdaman mo?

Fckyea. People thinking this are thinking shit. Martyr? Tangina, open your eyes and see the truth naman. Nanggagalaiti ako lalo after seeing this. -___- So now you're blaming the person na tinutukoy na 'siya' dyan? Can't you see, it's your idiocy that caused you that. Ayaw ko nakikita yung mga kaibigan kong nagpapakatanga kagaya ng ganyan kaya sobra ako kung maka-react. Ginegera ko sila para lang itama yung mga pag-iisip nila eh. Sometimes they blame God for this. They blame him for every hardship na dinadanas nila sa pagmamahal. Can't they see na kasalanan nila? Hindi naman para sakanila yung tao, hinahabol pa? UGH. Ayoko na, galit na ako ng sobra ayaw ko na madagdagan pa. Ipopost ko nalang yung draft ko na happy reminisce ng OLD ILA TIMES. ~.~

* taglish post.

Today's supposed to be a fun day, but in the end it turned out I was just forcing myself to have fun. Alam mo yung feeling na pagkatapos ng lahat-lahat eh bigla mong na-realize na bakit ganto? Hindi naman dapat ganto eh? Ang plastik ko, ang plastik niyo. Yung ganung feeling. Kanina super enjoy ako kasi ang daming 'masayang' nangyari pero in the end na realize ko lang na pinipilit ko lang yung sarili kong i-enjoy. Tinaboy ko sa likod ng utak ko yung feeling na hindi dapat ganto yung mga bagay-bagay. NAKAKAGAGO. -___- Tangina lang eh. Everytime nalang, nafefeel ko na napaguusapan na ako sa likod ko. EVERY FUCKIN' TIME. #emopost #gaypost #tanginapost #gaguhanpost :| I never felt this betrayed before. Never been this humiliated in my life. PUNYETA KAYO. :| You guys, I treated you like friends now you treat me like trash. THANKS. MGA PUTANG INA NIYO. >.<

I AM GOING TO DISAPPEAR IN YOUR FCKIN' LIVES. I'm gonna create a new account or rather just rename on of my dummies and just delete or block some unnecessary people off. I'm sick and tired sa games na nilalaro natin. NAGBABAGONG BUHAY NA AKO. SINUSUBUKAN KO NG HINDI MANGGAGO NG TAO. PASALAMAT KAYO KUNDI HINDI AKO SA BLOG NAGLALABAS NG SAMA NG LOOB.

Ayaw ko na mangplastik kaya inopen ko ulit tong blog na toh. Gusto ko makita ng ibang tao kung gano na ako nawawalanghiya sa mga pinaggagagawa ko. Though isa or dalawa or tatlo or apat na tao lang yung alam kong pinagbigyan ko nito, bahala na. And now I am not even sure kung mapagkakatiwalaan ko kayo. Well, count Sistarr and Eiren too, I guess. The rest, just fuck off my life already. -___- You proved all my impressions about you wrong. All the promises that you guys made were all broken. DON'T TRY TO REASON OUT ANYMORE. SAWANG-SAWA NA AKO. :| KUNG WALA KAYONG MAGAWANG MATINO SA BUHAY, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

#tanginapost #hatepost #bvpost I am not thinking straight and I don't remember kung sino-sino na binigyan ko ng link na ito silang dalawa nalang yung naaalala kong special-mention worthy. Kung di kita naalala or di kita nabanggit, just fuck off my life. Ayaw ko na.

Kthanksbye.

After some other time I thought that name was forgotten already. But then during the first GEB, being the leader of Group A(for Glove users) my name there was Anne Sugoi. LOL. Srsly, it made me laugh and the Bugoi issue was brought to life again. :))

November 6, 2010 SMX Convention, AME Track. First GEB. I saw/met a lot of them there, though they thought I was sumplada, mataray, snob, etc. I was just so shy and angry later on. I first saw Master, Nee-chan and Neo-sama there. Later on, Eiren claimed that he saw me. -___- Cheater. ~.~

December 5, 2019 SM Mall of Asia. Second GEB. We(Tara and I) were really late that time. Because we dropped by at Blue Wave because of the convention there. I met Mahal for the first time there. MWUAHAHA. She was a very good and jolly person. MWUAHAHAHA. *I remembered a lot.* And I even met KDG-sama in person there. O.O \m/ And he teased Mahal that she got KK from his initials. LOL. Oh they were having a bowling match that time. The admins team lost. XD And they told the members of the other team that they're gonna be blocked from the page the next day. LOL. But that is of course meant as a joke.

Second EB is the most memorable I think. To think December 5 is a Sunday and I reached hom 4 am the next day, Monday. I have classes. LOL. When I entered school me eyes were half-closed and under it was huge eyebags. People inside the classroom were Newton's CG. Seems that I made Tara worried because he texted me some time when my cellphone went dead and PM-ed my sister around 9-10 PM asking me if I was home already. LOL. They were like in shock when I told them, I went home earlier in the morning. XDD

I miss those good old times. I miss everyone and everything. Right now I am praying that Papa God will bring back those times. I am praying harder everyday pero I know past is past at hindi na maaaring ibalik. :) GV POST. ♥

Happy Anniversary ILA Family. ♥ We gained and lost a lot of valuable members of our family but we still stood strong. And truth be told, I was one of those member you lost but then I managed to get back. I just can stand being away from you guys. ILA is one of the main reasons I smiled everyday; the page game me lots of new friends whom I shared laughter, tears and even anger; and I learned a lot during my 8-9 months of being a part of the family.

Friends that I gained are the best gift that I had since I joined ILA, next to all those wonderful memories of course. Master(Ryl), Mahal(Camille, or KK-sama) and Eiren are the first few friends that I met in the page. At first it was hard for me to talk to people there, I just didn't know how to approach them. But with Tara and Justine's presence it was easier because they know a lot of people there. After a few days , weeks and months, I became friends to most of the regular members online. Ggio, Zero-nii, Pol-nii, Guia, Nee-chan, Nexa-chan, Hannah, Brother, Yuuki-nee, Julien-nii, Isay, Pio, and the admins/former admins, Neo-sama, Mishi-sama, Mao-chan, KDG-sama and YB-sama. ♥

One of ILA's most awaited events is the Otakulympics usually hosted at 8 PM GMT +8. It was a very hard competition because there are a lot of good players. If I remembered correctly, one of those otakulympics was I called 'Sugoi' and later on Neo-sama and a few friends started to changed it to Bugoi which I found annoying at first but after seeing/hearing that word, I was used to it already.

A lot more memories, fun or not. The page went through a lot of problems but because of the member's and admin's bond they we overcame them all.

ILA Happy First Anniversary once again. ♥

"Smile and the world is yours."

A while ago, I am expecting some idiotic people to post on my CB but then this post took me by surprise. This really means a lot to me. This is the reason for me smiling though I don't mean it. Seeing this again it just made me shed a tear and smile.

#gaypost

Turns out, this isn't a very nice day for me. Well Prio and Paolo decided to join us to MOA, but hey that's good news. The bad news is what comes after that. A lot of nervousness seeped in into everybody's aura, truth be told, even mine. It's just so... depressing. -___- I can't stand that kind of feeling knowing that I am at fault or I am somehow involved in the trouble.

Curse traffic, idiotic drivers and dumbass people.

Well, that isn't the only one. When I reached home and logged in another kind of aura hits me. I was just depressed time infinity again. And I felt bad. I felt isolated again, alone. Supposed to be I am used to this kind of stuff because for the past 3-5 years this the kind of life I'm living, but there's just something that changed all of that and now it's gone. Thankfully I saw sistarr's reply to my message and I felt at ease.

I could cry a bucket later that's how hurt I am right now, but thankfully, I promised myself not to. Petty reasons or not, I am not a loser that shows weakness anymore.

^ Speaking of, I haven't posted my blog full of sadness, if that's what you call it. Maybe some other time. When I am in a good mood, or else reading it for the nth time will really make me break down.

Curse traffic, idiotic drivers and dumbass people.

I could cry a bucket later that's how hurt I am right now, but thankfully, I promised myself not to. Petty reasons or not, I am not a loser that shows weakness anymore.