Ok, I was reading Jono's blog a while ago. I don't freakin' know why I was affected. I mean how stupid can this day get? Twice? By just a mere coincidence? Damn.

Why affected? I just saw parents.. mom.. dad.. DIVORCE. :| And in my note in Facebook, I was ask whether my parents are married or what. YES, AFFECTED AKO. My parents are annulled, not divorced since it's not legal in the Philippines.

It's just that it hurts. :/ Being the eldest and the most intelligent among the three children, they, my relatives, expected a lot from me. They expected me to FIX things between my parents. I cried a lot because of that. It's because no matter how hard I try things won't go back to normal. I can't even remember when the last normal family gathering or outing we had.

Reminiscing old times hurts a lot. Remembering all the smiles we had, the laughter we shared. My little brother is not even a month old when they decided to separate. We didn't have any decent family bonding ever since. It just, hurts. >:|

Lalalala~ Tears are falling down again. Before, this is the only thing that make me cry. My kryptonite. How I wish, things just go back the way they used to be. I don't like my tears to be wasted for such reasons. No more.

I really envy those people whom I can see their parents living together in a single roof. Whom they can spend time with, together. Whenever my mom's home, my dad's away. When she leaes, he goes back.

I am psychologically and emotionally sick and tired of this practice. I AM SO TIRED. Sometimes, I like to take everything as a joke. Nahh, usually. I joke about my family status because I want to let them see that I am not affected, but truth is I am vulnerable.

I remember last May 24, 2010 during my one-on-one talk I had with Nanay (my faci during our YFC camp) she asked me things. I opened up this topic. I watched Ate Pau from afar, seeing her laughing with Ate Eka (her faci) while I was crying. I exited the room first and she approached me the moment she entered our room. She knows. She knows the only thing that can make me breakdown. She knows.

I am forever suffering. I will suffer. I am. I will. That's why I really to thought, "If I decided to kill myself and survive the process, will they worry? Will they be together in one place if that happens?" I am forever selfish. I want things to go my way, but sadly saying I am not God who can do that. I can wish, but I can never have that.

My heart aches. Tears are forming, but they don't want to fall down. Maybe they're tired. Rather my tear-gland is tired of producing tears. Just let my heart suffer alone.

A rather dramatic and stupid blogpost/reaction towards Jono's blog. Good thing he's on hiatus. -____-